Posts Tagged ‘subconsciously’

Magic of Flirting Explained: The Origin And The HowTo’s – Part 3

March 30th, 2010

 

Cues of Readiness

 

 


Flirting Looking

 

Notice the sidelong glance paired with the weak smile, the slightly sustained gaze given? And what about the mentioned move when woman tilt her head to the side a bit, exposing her soft, sensuous neck, or looking at it another way, her jugular? A man maintaining his body in an open, come-on-attack-me position, arms positioned to draw the eye to his impressive lower abdomen?

Scientists call all these little acts “contact-readiness” cues, because they indicate nonverbally that you’re prepared for physical engagement. Experts of general body language call this “nonverbal leakage.”

These cues are a crucial part of the “heterosexual relationship initiation process.” In primal terms, they’re physical signals that you don’t intend to dominate, nor do you intend to flee — both effective messages potential mates must send before they can proceed to that awkward talking phase. They’re the opening line for the opening line.

 

 

Golden Rules of Body Language

 

Don’t judge based on one thing alone. Sitting with one’s arms crossed is often perceived as a defensive, stand-off posture — but it could also mean they’re freezing cold, or hiding a freshly spilled drink on their shirt.

Don’t jump to conclusions — instead look for groups of behavior. If someone has their arms crossed and their lips are pursed disapprovingly, they’re likely on the defensive. Most experts on body language follow the Rule of 4 — look for at least 4 signals suggesting the same thing before totally believing it.

 

 


Drinking And Flirting

 

Why Married People Flirt

 

What drives many already committed people to engage in the art of woo is often not doubt, but curiosity. Flirting “is a way of testing one’s mate-value and the possibility of alternatives — actually trying to see if someone might be available as an alternative.” says Arthur Aron, professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook.

Evolutionary biologists claim the motivations are clear — mates and offspring die — flirting is somewhat like mating insurance.

Some may flirt to bring about renewed attention from your mate, which has advantages all its own.

 

 

For Benefits

 

Flirting can be an emotional resource to gain something — not usually for money, but for the intangibles — a better table, a juicier cut of meat, a discount, or to return a purchase without any hassles. It’s a handy social lubricant, reducing the friction of everyday difficulties, more like a strategically timed tip than a romantic advance. Flirting is almost mandatory in today’s times.

 

 

Online Flirting

 

The digital scene is all words and no body language — whether online or in text messages, nuance is nearly impossible. And since text and e-mail flirting can be done without having to look people in the eye, it’s bolder, racier and unrestrained without thought on whether the message could be misinterpreted or should even be sent at all.

“Flirt texting is a topic everyone finds fascinating, although not much research is out there yet.” says Abbey. “People are often more willing to disclose intimate details via the Internet, so the process may escalate more quickly.”

A University of Florida study of 86 participants in a chat room published in Psychology Today in 2003 found that while nearly all those surveyed felt they were initially simply flirting with a computer, not a real person, nearly a third of them eventually had a face-to-face meeting with someone they chatted with. All but 2 of the couples who met went on to have an affair.

Whether the people who eventually cheated went to the site with the intention of doing so or got drawn in by the fantasy of it all wasn’t clear.

 

 


Flirting Table

 

Affairs

 

Many people who flirt off-line aren’t typically looking for an affair. But one of the things about married flirting is that it has a much greater degree of danger and fantasy to it. The stakes are high and risks are great, even if the likelihood of anything happening is slim. But for some, it’s a highly addictive drug.

Therapists say that people who cheat are often not so much dissatisfied with their spouse as with themselves and the way their lives have turned out. There is little that feels more affirming and revitalizing than having someone fall in love with you — and little that feels less affirming than being cheated on.

 

 

Safety on Dates

 

If you’re cyber dating, using the personals or a dating agency, it’s a good idea to arrange to meet for coffee or lunch rather than dinner. Not only are you safer in the day but you don’t waste time if it doesn’t work. Don’t lead anyone on if they’re not your fancy — which might turn into stalking — by being polite in saying “You’re a lovely person, but unfortunately, not what I was looking for.”

Stick to an area that’s well lit with plenty of people around. Better yet, meet in a place where you’re known so the person you’re with can be identified. Talk to the waiter / waitress so it’s obvious you’ve been seen with them.

Don’t invite strangers to your home and don’t go to theirs until you know them very well. Trust your gut instinct and listen carefully to their relationship history.

Give the details of your date to several friends — where you’ll be, the time you’ll meet, the person’s name, phone number and address. Get them to phone you an hour into the date to check you’re OK, and phone them a few hours later to report in again.

 

 

And to Conclude…

 

Yet through all our coquettish gestures, anyone who’s raised its eyebrows at a cop knows that flirting is not always intended to seal the deal. Flirting can be a default mechanism when we want to get something for nothing (a better table at a restaurant, another free cocktail on the airplane, a shortcut in line) or a comfortable and fun way to interact with new people. And it’s certainly not reserved just for people we want to mate with; married people flirt with no adulterous intentions and platonic flirting happens all the time. Flirting opens windows of potential and can peak curiosity about what might happen, but it also leaves us with the ability to walk away, no harm done. It is an elixir, a way of feeling more alive, more vital, and more desirable without actually endangering the happiness of anyone you love. If you like what was described in this article, then go ahead and flirt — as long as you can do it responsibly and without hurting anyone.

 

 


Flirting Talk

 

Sources:


Link 1,  Link 2,  Link 3,  Link 4

 

 



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Magic of Flirting Explained: The Origin And The HowTo’s – Part 2

March 30th, 2010

 

The Flirting Triangle


Flirting Glance

 

When we look at people we’re unfamiliar with such as in a business situation, our eyes make a zig-zag motion — we look from eye to eye and across the bridge of the nose.

With friends, the look drops below eye level and moves into a triangle shape — we look from eye to eye and down to include the nose and mouth.

Once flirting begins, the triangle gets larger — it widens at the bottom to include parts of the body. The more intense the flirting, the more intensely we look from eye to eye — and the more time we spend looking at their mouth.

It can be highly seductive when someone’s watching your mouth while you’re talking to them. It could be they’re fantasizing what it would be like to kiss you. A word of caution — don’t be overly overt in this method or you’ll only succeed at relaying a subliminal message of being a sexual predator to a female.

 

 

Read My Lips

 

Like a lioness presenting herself to a mate, women will arch their backs and show off their hips to indicate fertility. Though I hate the stereotype of a giggly, doe-eyed blonde, women laugh and open their eyes wide not because they’re ditzy, but because it conveys an image of surrender and youth. While both men and women will make prolonged eye contact with people they’re interested in, a woman might also lick her lips, helping to bring visual attention to the mouth. If someone is staring at your lips he may be thinking of how to kiss them.

Though a man might not pound his chest like Tarzan while in a crowd, it’s only because of social constraints. He’s still trying to put forth his strong jaw, an indicator of high testosterone levels, and spread his arms and chest to look muscular and strong. Yet he doesn’t want to look too strong or threatening, so he laughs and smiles frequently. Confident and powerful enough to protect his brood; nice enough not to harm the doe.

 

 

Mirroring – Monkey See, Monkey Do

 

This is what separates a competent flirt from an expert — nothing will bond you more effectively than mirroring someone’s behavior. Together, both sexes take part in mirroring, tending to sit or stand in similar positions, or pick up a drink at the same time. When one person leans in, another will do the same if it likes what it’s seeing. The theory behind this is that people are drawn to others who are like them. We like people who are like us. If someone is doing what we’re doing, we feel they’re on the same level and mood as we are. You should only mirror positive body language, ie. if person picks its nose, put the mirror down. Also, try not to imitate the person. Point is just to capture the meaning and do things the way that is natural to you.

 


Flirting Open

 

Pointing

 

We also tend to point or gesture toward our object of desire. This means feet, hands, or the entire body will subconsciously be pointed toward him or her, opening up a line of physical—and hopefully verbal—communication.

If you have your eye on someone across the room, point your body in their direction — even if you don’t make eye contact, they may take the hint.

 

 

The Eyebrow Flash

 

When we first see someone we’re attracted to our eyebrows rise and fall, and they’ll do the same if they’re equally attracted. Watch closely and carefully, because it only lasts about a fifth of a second.

It’s an unconscious gesture replicated by every culture on the planet. Some experts claim it’s the most instantly recognized non-verbal sign of greeting we humans use.

 

 

Blinking

 

If someone likes what they see, their pupil size increases, as does their blink rate.

Being the expert flirt you are, up the odds in your favor by increasing the blink rate of the person you’re talking to by blinking more yourself. If the person likes you, they’ll unconsciously try to match your blink rate to keep in sync with you, in turn making you both feel more attracted to one another.

 


Flirting Street

 



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